Friday, 2 May 2014


Sumber dari ruang komen dalam entri, "RON - SAYA ADA "GAY GENE" TETAPI SAYA TETAP LAWAN"

photo hanya hiasan

Hey and a good day. 

I just found out your blog and its really inspirin' me - I mean, RON entry, obviously. Its your second entry I read after another entry thats all bout a guy bein "gay-ed" w/o he noticed it, and its like a wake up call for me. 

Im gay. Yeah thats why Im here, what else right? My story differ from you guys'. I mean, lots of my friends know my sex orientation and only my lil sister. Shes 16 y/o but I do have feelin that she doesnt know what I've been through all this time. Honestly, I've been wantin' for a real relationship. My friends do gimme moral support, but like what most of you guys said, gay feelin never can be changed. 

Some say bein' gay is a choice, then I wonder when they choose to be straight? IDK, but I know that deep down inside of me myself, I never wanted to be like this. This is just some test from Him, maybe. I could say that I have this abnormal feelin' ever since I was kid. So I believe this is not accidentally feelin' that I always make. My friends s'times ask me when would I be a woman lover? and I just say IDK. BUt they didnt mock me. They support me. Im very thankful to have 'em. 

Thinkin' of what would it turn out to be when I've completed my study, that scares me. A lot. I know the fact that one day, I have to get married, no matter what - to a lady, ofc. The problem is I never have a feelin' towards people named WOMEN and I've tried, then I fail. S'times I do think that I dont wanna get into marriage life at all, if this is meant to be.

Talkin' bout family, I do think my third brother knows bout me. I cant recall why, but I have a good feelin' bout it. Actually, I dont really sorta "cant racall" but I refuse to tell you guys, its kinda embarrasin me. Then one day, he happened to notice my ws status. "Ahmad Zahir's <3". But then he immediately ws-ed me and asked who Ahmad Zahir and why theres a love symbol at the back?". I astounded. But I tried to react normal because I know he knows. 

Therefore I confused bout my brother's sex orientation. I cant tell you more because hes my brother and Im afraid of Im humiliatin him. Ahh, btw hes married now and will be a father soon this year, so I dont think its a nice idea for me to tell bout him. Hope you understand.

Yeah, I do have intention to change. Maybe I cant be fully straight but at least I can have my gay lust under control. I may not be like some of you guys, even you are gays, but you do a lot of good deeds. Im different and that makes me shy to say this. 

I dont always do my responsibilities to HIM. I mean, I fast every year - full but in term of payer, I do rarely. Only when Im in my study town, but when Im home in Northen state, I neglect it. Its now my parents to be blamed for this. They do teach me maybe its me who such a rebellion to myself. Dont blame my parents, they had done everything it takes to make me a good son. But its me who the one make it worse. Not to be boastful, but among my siblings, Im the one who always outstanding. I mean, in academic.

Im 19. This year. Im still studyin and will be pursuin my degree this June. Im just like common teens out there (some), I love entertainment, I dyed my hair (is that too bad?), I love to go to club but I've never been there. I love tattoos but I never had mine a permanent one. IDK but I love everything that makes me happy. BUT I DONT DO DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.

It may sound weird for a Muslim to like those things right? Im sorry but the purpose Im here is to reflect myself and seek for constructive advice from you guys. IKR some of you have entered 30s and that makes you have so much experience when your age were like mine. and ahh, I never have sex since two years ago and I wish to keep it forever.

Hope to hear from you guys soon. Im so grateful to have people like you guys who I believe can guide me. (=

Have a good day,
(Just in case you think I should know your opinion bout me) 


  1. Ayman, being a gay is not a sin, but it is a sin if you act upon it.

  2. Eyman Aney, it may and it may not. The good part is, you aware of your own psychological state and social life. The awareness helps you to live on better. I'm also a gay, 23, will be graduating end of this year. I noticed and aware of my own sex orientation when I was 13. It's totally hard for me to control the feeling. Nevertheless, I try and keep trying. Sometimes I won over myself but sometimes I lost. I have this awareness, like yours, that we need to change, or at least try to control.

  3. so now your blog is getting towards more of this lgbt kinda confession bla bla..i'm gay, i wanna change, i have done this..that..

    it's support for lgbt pulak?

    i thought reading some of stories here remind me of how we should treat hiv patients, everything about hiv from the point of view of their patient..

    but instead this so called confession of the lgbt parading itself here. please back to the where you were belong.

    some stories are not engaging

    1. Anonymous,

      Saya akan share apa sahaja dalam blog ini bukan semata-mata tentang HIV AIDS sahaja, baca dengan minda terbuka...sudah tentu saya tidak boleh puaskan 100% kehendak saudara. Jika rasa tidak suka jangan baca.



    3. Yg paling penting niat kita ikhlas demi kebaikan semua...

    4. Anon, this is Najmi's blog and not yours. It is up to him really what or what not to publish.

    5. lgbt people need some sort of channel too, to express what exactly they feel towards what a freak they are really... please have some courtesy and learn on how to listen to someone else problem...

      it's not that everyday they are expressing it... bla.. bla.. bla.. i;m this.. i;m that... tahu tak perasaan macam mana pendam and unable to speak out what you actually afraid of and etc.. they are human too, they have feelings too... bukan robot... read it.. some of them tak minta pun untuk jadi macam tu.. bila mereka bercerita, mungkin str8 people can actually feel how they actually felt.. and not be too judgmental towards them in future. kadang juga ini dapat bagi semangat kat lgbt lain. "ohh, i'm not alone in this world facing this life-time-curse".

      ini pandangan saya je. so apa dosa pulak kalau dorang atau kami nak confess pun

    6. Do what u love bang, its normal to get that kind of comment esp ur blog getting more blogreaders on daily basis. ignore those kind of comment because in the end, org yg comment tu doesnt do anything pun for his / her own community. at least u do something that makes people aware of it. compare to that person yg buat comment.

    7. Abg najmi ada kumpulan sasaran tersendiri dlm mmberi kesedaran hiv aids..ianya lebih dkt pd setengah pihak tidak pd serengah pihak yg lain..yg pasti ianya sgt2 mmbantu pd satu pihak yg abg najmi lebih dekat..insyaAllah

    8. Najmi, paling penting nawaitu najmi yg bg kesedaran pd org lain. We support u najmi

  4. Thanks to you guys. I believe you are the most supportive bros I ever had. and 23-year-old guy, so ws w/ your life now? :)

  5. If there is an effort to control..someday you will win the battle of desire. I am straight, might not fully understand what is like to be gay. But I believe god gave you the ultimate test with a big reward.please people, fight the abnormality..



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